no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
