Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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