my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
