Your tits are I can't wait for
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
