I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize