I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
