Is it normal to miss your booty call?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
