and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
