don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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