Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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