Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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