Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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