Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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