Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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