Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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