Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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