How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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