the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
