My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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