What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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