I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
