i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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