Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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