I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
