yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
