Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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