Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
