She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Let's paint friendship bongs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
