when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
