You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
