I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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