I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I could fuck to npr.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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