So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
