I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
