then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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