What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
