How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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