Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
