Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
