she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
