you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
