I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
