New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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