Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
