"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
