need another drink. this is the easiest way
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
