can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
