my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize