that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
