You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
