so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
