I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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