Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just cropdusted the office
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
