Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
