I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
