You smell like stripper and shame
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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