I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
