i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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