i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i drank out of a bidet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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