I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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