Porn is love you can see.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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