yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
