It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
