Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
