Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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