Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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