My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
