I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize