My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
