wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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