Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got inside last night via doggy door
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
