you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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