Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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