first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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