Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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