She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
