mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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